Every word we use, every decision we make is made due to our way of perceiving reality.
Sometimes we might approximate the reason for our conduct, but we are not sure. Neither are we aware of the circumstances which lead us to these motives. We all live in our own world.
Very often we might think about the reason for our behavior, but it's far from reality. Often we tend to judge others based on our ways, considering their acts as inappropriate, yet when we do the same we give ourselves reasoning for doing so. Usually even our mistakes are blamed on other people. Somewhere in ourselves is an impulse to improvement and growth, nevertheless between our vision for ourselves and where we are today stand our complex personality.
We can display it by our preference to wear old comfortable shoes instead of new ones. Our way of life, habits, customs are like clothing, they are something that we wear and we’ve become used to them. We have lived with them for so long that they feel just right.
Somewhere underneath we often feel the urge to change, but often we don't know where to start. We must come to an understanding of our subconscious motives which rule our life.
If we could step aside and watch ourselves go by, it would be easier to see and comprehend reasons for our conduct and limitations. If we would look at ourselves as we look at a stranger we would recognize our patterns.
Our best approach to understanding our motives is to do a little self-analysis.
What is self-analysis?
It’s a process of asking ourselves questions which very often are inconvenient. An Inquiry we never had a chance to be asked or to consider. It makes us navigate through our internal motives, fears, fancies and loathes. If you want to change something about yourself you must understand what are your advantages and vices. In my opinion the best approach towards this exercise is to start with positive aspects of our life. This way we might become encouraged about this process, experience our personal warmth and give ourselves the positive attention we seek.
The more we focus on the positives aspects of our life, the more we acknowledge what we possess. The easier it becomes to focus on things which limit us, because we have something positive to lean back on.
How to do it?
Firstly you must decide that you want to learn about yourself. Once you are comfortable with getting to know your hidden motives, get some pen and paper. Plan some time for yourself when nothing or no one will disturb you. Start by realizing what you feel when you’ve decided to look into yourself.
Is it stress, fear, anger or maybe positive excitement? Acknowledge it.
So let us focus on your likes!
Below you can find a questionary regarding your likes & 'loves'. As this exercise might be new to you, under each question you can find examples to spark your imagination. Go wild! :)
1. Can you write down a list of objects, activities, tastes & things you like and your affections? (be as generous as possible)
Examples:
I love to run,
I love my dog,
I like pistachio ice cream
I like loud music
1.1 Can you think of each item on the list and wonder whether you always liked/loved it?
Examples:
As far as I can remember I enjoyed running.
I fell in love with my pup from the moment I saw his first pictures. When I met him I knew that this little guy is my man!
I always enjoyed ice cream, but for the past several years pistachio flavor is my favorite.
I always enjoyed music but since I became adolescent the louder it got, the more fun it brought. Of course only the genres which i enjoy.
1.2 Maybe there is a reason why you enjoy it?
Examples:
Running was my first sport. I enjoyed training and every competition, yet since adulthood the activity itself was giving me joy.
I enjoy our walks, playing with him, taking care of him and I'm in love with his honest energy.
Who doesn't like ice cream? There is something refreshing in pistachio ice cream, it's sweet but not as sweet as chocolate and it's not as sour as lemon sorbet.
When I'm surrounded by loud music I enjoy experiencing freedom. My senses are positively flooded with the beat and rhythm. Leaving no room for unnecessary thoughts.
1.3 Can you identify more reasons that make it enjoyable for you?
Examples:
Running makes my body move. Exhaustion is enjoyable, the energy I feel when I'm done is terrific. I can be myself and run at my own pace. I can dance or meditate while jogging. I enjoy listening to music while running. It brings back memories of past successes and fun I've experienced during training or camps.
There is something in boxer dogs which speaks to my heart. They all look adorable, but their personality is something you can bargain with. His soul which I can see through his eyes is beautiful
Pistachio ice cream brings to my memory the state of a beautiful holiday. I tried it for the first time during a walk on a mediterranean beach. Taste of that ice cream refreshes my somatic memory of that moment.
I remember enjoying myself dancing to loud music starting from school discos, to events where you can immerse yourself in the beat. Being alone with the music made my soul relax while my body was jumping with joy. Often I have traveled long distances to attend a music venue of my taste just to experience this sensation of freedom & relaxation.
1.4. How do you feel when you think about that ‘object’?
I visualize the state my body will experience, then I feel energized and motivated when I think about my running shoes or music player.
Each time I think about my dog (Homer) I feel warmth and a pleasant feeling. When separated, I can remember the scent of his fur and the joy we will share once we see each other.
Bringing the memory of that ice cream gives me tasty satisfaction and a spark of sun.
I feel that my legs are strong and ready to bounce, I experience relaxation in my muscles and a peace of mind waiting for the sound.
1.5. What does that item bring to your memory?
Running immediately brings to me somatic sensations of excitement and a memory of jugging in the mountains.
Any thought about my dog brings me back to the day I picked him up and as he traveled in the car between my legs. The first months are very vividly stored in my memory.
Ice cream refreshes my memory with the thought of a lovely day, beautiful weather and the peace of mind I experienced that day.
Loud music sparks a remembrance of traveling 1200 km for a music venue. How exciting just to make the journey and then dance 12 hours before embarking on the return trip.
1.6. Can you experience how a thought about a particular thing influences your body?
Thinking about running makes my legs stronger and makes me focus on my breath.
Thinking about my dog warms my heart, my hands and puts a smile on my face.
Thinking about ice cream gives me the taste sensation of a particular type, my mouth waters.
Thinking about loud music makes my heart pump faster, relaxes my body and my breath becomes shorter from excitement.
1.7. Would you like to inform someone how that thing influences you? If yes, who would that be?
Yes, someone important to me. So they could know how important that activity is for me.
Yes, everyone. My love towards that animal is everlasting.
Yes, a significant other. So she could know which ice cream flavor works for me.
Yes, a significant other. So she could know how important it is for me to lose myself in dance.
2. Did you ever think about any of your likes when you felt blue?
Yes. Often when the day is tough I intentionally spend more time with my dog as I know it's beneficial for the both of us. I've learned to use the things which bring me joy to lift my mood as having an occasional pistachio ice cream to cherish a day!
3. Did you know that by bringing that object to your memory you can enhance your state of being? Feel free to use it anytime. :)
It took me some time to comprehend that rehearsing a memory improves my mood. Since, I've learned that trick I use it daily, to motivate myself, to keep confidence, to enjoy little things, to appreciate things which surround me.
What is in it for you?
If you really focused on yourself you might have noticed that thinking about all these positive things has a calming effect on your being.
Maybe you haven't realized how many things you enjoy.
Maybe you haven't paid attention to all the things you enjoy.
Maybe it's been a while since you've heard yourself saying: I do like chocolate. Maybe you feel like you should refresh your excitement about your elementary school favorite hobby/sport/book.
All those things which you have noticed are in your inventory of positive living.
Remember that each time life gets a little hard.
Tomek
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